I'm not a boxer.

But I was ready to pick a fight.

It was a Tuesday afternoon. Another leadership meeting. Another conversation negotiating who in our leadership team was taking on what portion of our division’s goals. Yet another situation where my team was being pressured to take on an additional 30 Million in quota to cover the shortfall of another team. 

I felt my jaw clench. My voice got inappropriately loud. My hands slapped down on my notebook on the table.

And I had this wild thought: "I could flip this table right now."

(I didn't. But the impulse was real.)

That's when I knew something was deeply wrong.

Not with the meeting. With me.

Because leaders don't fantasize about flipping conference tables in quota meetings.

But managers who are pretending to lead? We absolutely do.

Here's what I realized in that moment:

I was no longer leading my team. I was managing their problems. I was no longer leading myself. I was managing my resentment. I was no longer leading with vi...

We spent 20 years climbing the corporate ladder as the "good leader."

We said yes to every request. Put our teams first, always. Stayed late, came in early, and prided ourselves on being the most helpful person in the room, whatever room we were in.

And we were absolutely miserable... but you'd never know it.

We loved working with our teams. Loved strategizing & solving complex situations. Loved leading our groups/initiatives. 

But with each over-step of our own boundary, each yes we actually didn't want to take on, each decision we made thinking we may finally get the actual reward we were seeking, we finally started to recognize, too late, that we were more than just tired, we were exhausted & completely burned out. 

Here's what no one tells you about servant leadership: It doesn't make you a good leader. It makes you a burned-out leader.

Because somewhere along the way, we confused leadership with people-pleasing.

We started believing that being a "yes man" was the same thing...