The 6 Boundaries that changed our careers (and life) as high achieving leaders who were burning out, but wouldn’t admit it yet

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously” -Prentice Hemphill

When we talk to leaders about what they are struggling with the most, boundaries are in the top 3! We didn’t truly understand the importance or the process of boundaries until we learned how to best use our energy.

1. We started prioritizing when and how we responded

Not all messages are equal. We started prioritizing who and when people had access to our energy and that included response times to messages. One of the biggest energy drain for us was the ”illusion” of a clear inbox. Just because I am at my computer does not mean I am available, and someone else’s important does not automatically equal my urgent!

Once we prioritized who got our energy when, things changed.

2. We started setting and honoring “working hours”

We grew up seeing and learning just how important a strong work ethic is. As leaders this translated to being “on” or available all the time. We were rewarded for that type of tenacity early on in our careers and leadership roles. The problem is if you are always on as a leader, you inadvertently pass this pressure onto your team (if you mean to or not).

When we started logging off and staying off line, it made a huge difference for us and our teams.

3. We stopped over proving because of someone else’s definition of success

We started our careers in corporate technology sales in the late 90s. More often than not we were the only woman in the room. As young leaders we were often the only female manager on our respective teams. We felt pressure to represent all the women who would follow our path. It wasn’t something we took lightly. Our energy took the biggest hit, it was exhausting because the pressure was based on everyone else’s definition of success.

Once we stopped chasing what success looked like for everyone else and started looking at what it actually meant to us... Everything changed, and we could be even stronger role models for those following in our footsteps.

4. We stopped saying yes to the “unique opportunities” no one else wanted

Early on in our careers, we were eager to succeed, saying yes to any project that leadership brought our way, taking on more responsibility without additional pay or promotions. We took on the projects other managers refused and built them into division or even company-wide initiatives. Yet once they were successful they were often “passed on” to a more senior leader to take over and run (aka get all the credit).

When we changed our evaluation criteria from, "Does this give me visibility", to "Is this a valuable use of my energy?" We were much more selective on what we said yes to!

5. We stopped doing (or not doing) things just to make other people comfortable

Early in our careers, we would say or not say things based on how it would look to other people. We would tone down our opinions or recommendations so that it wouldn’t be too much for everyone else. Everything that made us stand out, our ideas, our initiatives, our leadership style became beige and palatable. We blended in. We worked harder at not being disliked than at leading our way. It worked for a while until we were exhausted just from trying to keep up appearances.

Once we learned what our true strengths and energy patterns were, we were able to stop keeping up with appearances and lead from our true value and authority.

6. We started treating No as a complete sentence

As recovering perfectionists and people pleasers, we would over explain why we had to decline something. Or we would tentatively agree to things we knew we didn’t have the energy for or desire to do, sometimes causing drama and leaving everyone in limbo. If we couldn’t or didn’t want to do something, a simple “No, but Thank you for the invitation” brought clarity and peace.

Once we embraced the simplicity of no, we started honoring ourselves and our energy.

We had an incredible mentor once tell us "Boundaries are for you, not them. The value is not just setting the boundary, the value is being willing to step away when it is not being honored."

If you’d like to learn more about how we started our journey of building AND honoring boundaries, join us, there’s more to come!

Does this make you think of someone in your life who needs to hear this too? Share it with them!

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-The Twins

Believe Blueprint LLC